This blog needs some punching up, and I realized that I haven’t discussed a topic near and dear to my heart—bisexuality/pansexuality..
I identify as pansexual. That is, I am attracted to a variety of people who may not fit in one particular slot on the gender spectrum. I think that everyone is a blend of masculine and feminine, male and female, and therefore to say I am attracted to men and women excludes the people in-between—to whom I am also attracted.
That said, I also have to say that I am most attracted to individuals on the masculine end of the spectrum—genetic men, drag kings, butch lesbians, and so on. Don’t know why, exactly—just how it is. Perhaps it is because I tend to the more stereotypically feminine end of the spectrum, and my subconscious is looking for a complement.
And therefore my pansexuality is expressed in a sense of being primarily attracted to masculinity—and also being attracted to the feminine as a complement. That can be blended in one person, or found in more than one person at any given time.
The common understanding of bisexuality seems to be that of hypersexuality—expressed ironically in the title of a now-extinct bi newsletter—Anything That Moves. In the gay and lesbian community, there are sometimes sneers that bisexual people simply cannot “make up their minds,” that we are “sitting on the fence.” It's because most of us are attracted to a variety of individuals and cannot deny our attraction to more than one gender.
I was asked recently what my ideal bisexual relationship would be. I had to say I didn’t know. It would depend, for me, on the person with whom I was in a relationship—because for me, there would be a primary relationship. It’s simply the way my psyche is constructed. I have known others who have other arrangements—that’s what works for them and their relationship (s) and obviously I have no issue with that. But for me, I need one person to be my partner—to be the one to whom I gravitate when I need comfort or want to celebrate; who is my shelter and my rock; and to whom I can offer comfort and nurture as well. How I expressed my attraction to someone of another gender than that primary partner would be worked out, then, with my primary partner. It would depend on his or her attractions and needs as well. Obviously, until I’m in such a relationship I don’t know what the details would be and again it would be partly dependent on the others involved.
The question was wonderful. I had to think about abstractions that I had never put into words before—and I’m generally pretty good at concretizing things!